There’s a type of bad advertising where a company tries to put a positive spin on something terrible. Sort of like putting a label on your food saying “now, with 99.9% less rat poison!” It may be true, and it may be a good thing, but you’re better off just not mentioning it.

For example, back in the 1980s, I remember when McDonalds sold a product called “chocolatey” chip cookies. Not chocolate. Chocolatey. With a “y” at the end.

When you bit into one, you understood why they had the extra letter. Savoring the artificial flavor, you could close your eyes and imagine the McDonaldland lawyers coming up with the idea:

“Okay, so we can’t legally call them “chocolate” chips. Apparently, you need to have actual chocolate to do that. How about chocolatish chip cookies? No, no, you’re right — too ethnic. How about choco-like chip? Wait! I’ve got it! Chocolatey!”

They would have been better off just calling them “cookies.” The extra “y” just drew attention to the fact that there was something fundamentally wrong with the whole restaurant.

Right now, the best example of this type of bad advertising has to be the Cingular (AT&T) advertising campaign where they draw attention to their horrible reception by claiming that they have the “fewest dropped calls.”

Fewest dropped calls? What about being able to make or receive calls? I just assume that they can’t brag about those things for legal reasons. It makes you think: “Well, course they have fewer dropped calls — Cingular users know they have to stand perfectly still while talking on the phone, and avoid any sudden movements, or else the call will disconnect. Not to mention the fact that if you can’t even make a call from the middle of the city, then there are fewer calls to drop.”