Republican presidential candidate Tommy Thompson said two weeks ago that it should be legal to fire employees for being gay. Thompson now regrets having said this, but his apologies leave something to be desired.

You see, Tommy Thompson says that it’s not his fault that he gave the answer he did during the debate. He’s a victim! Tommy Thompson’s list of excuses include (this is not a joke):

• a dead hearing aid battery
• an urgent need to use the bathroom
• the flu, bronchitis, and a recent trip to the hospital

Remember the scene in The Blues Brothers when the Carrie Fisher character (having gone homicidally insane after being left at the altar by John Belushi’s character) aims her gun and says “You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.” The response is a John Belushi classic:

No I didn’t. Honest… I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

I’ve pasted this movie clip below.

If you’ve seen the movie, you remember laughing when Fisher’s character appears to be convinced by this rambling series of contradictory excuses. But in the real world, no one is going to be convinced by Thompson. From now on, if you hear anyone give multiple, contradictory or irrelevant excuses for why they did something they regret, this is called a “pulling a Tommy Thompson.”